thoughts on departing

Ciao!

So there's like 41 days left, or something like that before I leave.  We go to Boston on Dec. 20th to get my visa, there's a pre departure orientation on Jan. 6th, and then on the 23rd I have my flight all booked for New York.  My flight takes off for New York at 6am, and I arrive at 10:30ish. I don't have to be anywhere for anything until 4pm though. My best friend Nellie and I are flying together, which is awesome! And then the next night (the 24th) we leave for an overnight flight to Switzerland, then to Rome. I'm not sure how long we're in Rome for with all the other AFSers until we separate to go to our separate host families.  I honestly can't even believe it...haha I mean I know I say that so much but that's only because how true it is. I can't believe it. It really has not hit me yet, not one bit. But I guess it kinda has..haha ahhhh I don't even know what I'm feeling! I probably sound like a psycho right now! It sucks because every day feels temporary, I should probably stop thinking about it that way.  I mean one second I'm laughing in the hall with my friends, thinking this is how life will be forever...and then oh wait, I'm leaving in less than two months. What? It's crazy.

It hasn't struck me through this whole application process of anything how much I'm going to miss everyone here at home. The little things make me really realize how different it'll be when I'm no longer around the same people every day. For an example if my sister does something super annoying, I don't even think it's that annoying anymore. I just think about how much I'll miss her when I leave.

As for my friends, I'm going to miss them SOOO MUCHHHH!! They're like my family. I love them sooo much. I don't even like to think about leaving them. When I'm having a bad day, they are the girls I go to! All cheesiness aside.

They say friends are the family you get to choose, and in my case it's actually the truth. These girls are my sisters. We have been through the toughest of times and the best times together! I never thought I would ever create such a bond w/ a group of people like this. We're closer than close, and that has its pros and cons. Pros, just about everything you can think of. You never have to doubt if you have someone there for you. Knowing you will always be forgiven, but learning to not take advantage of that. Having someone to your left and someone to your right that you know is 100% trustworthy. Emma, Nellie, Riley, and Deandra are part of my family. The cons is that you lose part of your independence, when you have such a close group of friends. If I'm sad or lonely while I'm away it'll be hard knowing that these people aren't just a phone call away anymore. They're a whole ocean away, with a 6 hour time difference to throw on top of that. A whole world away. Except for Nellie, cause she'll be just south of me in Barletta ;)

The good thing is this will teach me to face tough times alone, because what other choice will I have in the beginning? Nobody will understand me, I won't understand much of whats being said, and I think that can result in a feeling of isolation until you get the hang of things. At least that's what I'm expecting for the first few weeks. 

One of my biggest fears about this whole thing is the thought that when I come back, what if everything has changed? Of course nothing stays the same. And I know that when I come home, no one here will have any idea what kind of experience I had. I mean thats what all the AFS returnees say-  "Your friends will be excited to see you, but the stories you have... they won't get so much. Only someone who has gone through the same thing you did will understand..." There's all sorts of stories about reentry. About students who come home to see their whole entire world has been changed. I don't expect it to be the same, and I don't expect my friends to understand the excitement I will be feeling for the time I had spent abroad. The first couple days after I get home, sure. But as time goes on; the stories are going to get old. That kinda freaks me out, because we tell each other everything. Everryyything! If we're separated for a weekend, we have major catching up to do! How is that going to be after 6 months apart?!? While at the same time I have this fear of us growing apart while I'm abroad, at the same time I feel confident that rather than growing apart we will grow into our own persons, while still staying together. So yes, I'm totally ready to take on this challenge! Stay tuned:)

arrivederci!!  xoxo