Andiamo avanti - let's move forward.
Hey everyone, I'm sitting in my room after Nellie and I just got home from Venice. She'd never seen it before, since she's never been to the north so we went together. It was really nice! She's staying here with me and my host family for 4 days. It was super fun today, but SO hot. I'm not even kidding we were literally sweating...it's because the air is hot and sticky with humidity. Anyways she's in the shower so I had a few minutes to write this...it's going to be kind of a personal/emotional post so if you don't like that stuff then you should probably stop reading ... haha.
Today I was talking with one of my friends about returning back to our countries, and it really made me realize how not ready I am for this. I don't know how I feel or how to feel, and I don't know if anything has ever felt more impossible. I'm terrified to think about it and even to talk about it, because this will be the most unfamiliar thing I've done...how is one supposed to react when told to say goodbye to people you might not ever see again? I know I have it in me to do it, but I just don't know how I'll muster up the courage.
I was at the "end of the stay" camp with all the year and semester students in my region, Veneto, from last Thursday to Sunday. It was good to be with everyone all together and to meet some of the year students I've never met before, but it was also incredibly sad. I think we'll find a way to all see each other again before we really get on the plane home, but you never know that stuff. One night we did this activity where we all laid down in a big dark gym, and a women like laid down a situation of how it'll be from when we say goodbye to our families here until we get to our houses and have the first meal with our real families. It was basically like "imagine saying goodbye, what will you say, what will they say? Will you cry? Imagine lifting your bags on the train.......imagine sitting on the plane and watching your host country below, what will you be thinking and how will you be feeling? Imagine when you see your family for the first time. What will you say? Will you cry? Will you feel happy or sad or both? Will they understand you? Will it feel like a movie in the car ride home? Will your friends understand you? Will it look the same? Will your house feel like your home?" ect ect ect. So yes, it was pretty dramatic and at first I was thinking is this really necessary? But after a bit of this, you could a room full of 50 something kids sniffling, and they started passing out a bunch of tissues. In the end I think it's really good that AFS does that, because I don't ask myself those questions because I'm scared to death to think about it. By doing that they're forcing us too.
So I don't know what to say really except I'm bummed how quickly this has all gone by, and to know it's a thing that you can never redo breaks my heart. I would do anything to do it all over and over again, it's been the best time of my life. And I keep thinking how hard it will be to go back to the "real world", until I remember that I actually left my little world and entered the real world. So that kinda makes me feel like life is a lot bigger than we realize until we see it for ourselves, and my journey has just begun with this. I'll return home in 2 weeks and I'll look at it as a whole new adventure. I know nothing will feel the same, and I worry that the people in my life there will look at me as the same person I was before I left; while people change with time and picking up where you left off isn't always easy. I think it'll be difficult to blend back into a new culture, I hear the culture shock when you return is harder than when you come. But I'm trying to see it as a whole new "exchange year"...with the same attitude. If I did it the first time, I can do it again!
Today I was talking with one of my friends about returning back to our countries, and it really made me realize how not ready I am for this. I don't know how I feel or how to feel, and I don't know if anything has ever felt more impossible. I'm terrified to think about it and even to talk about it, because this will be the most unfamiliar thing I've done...how is one supposed to react when told to say goodbye to people you might not ever see again? I know I have it in me to do it, but I just don't know how I'll muster up the courage.
I was at the "end of the stay" camp with all the year and semester students in my region, Veneto, from last Thursday to Sunday. It was good to be with everyone all together and to meet some of the year students I've never met before, but it was also incredibly sad. I think we'll find a way to all see each other again before we really get on the plane home, but you never know that stuff. One night we did this activity where we all laid down in a big dark gym, and a women like laid down a situation of how it'll be from when we say goodbye to our families here until we get to our houses and have the first meal with our real families. It was basically like "imagine saying goodbye, what will you say, what will they say? Will you cry? Imagine lifting your bags on the train.......imagine sitting on the plane and watching your host country below, what will you be thinking and how will you be feeling? Imagine when you see your family for the first time. What will you say? Will you cry? Will you feel happy or sad or both? Will they understand you? Will it feel like a movie in the car ride home? Will your friends understand you? Will it look the same? Will your house feel like your home?" ect ect ect. So yes, it was pretty dramatic and at first I was thinking is this really necessary? But after a bit of this, you could a room full of 50 something kids sniffling, and they started passing out a bunch of tissues. In the end I think it's really good that AFS does that, because I don't ask myself those questions because I'm scared to death to think about it. By doing that they're forcing us too.
So I don't know what to say really except I'm bummed how quickly this has all gone by, and to know it's a thing that you can never redo breaks my heart. I would do anything to do it all over and over again, it's been the best time of my life. And I keep thinking how hard it will be to go back to the "real world", until I remember that I actually left my little world and entered the real world. So that kinda makes me feel like life is a lot bigger than we realize until we see it for ourselves, and my journey has just begun with this. I'll return home in 2 weeks and I'll look at it as a whole new adventure. I know nothing will feel the same, and I worry that the people in my life there will look at me as the same person I was before I left; while people change with time and picking up where you left off isn't always easy. I think it'll be difficult to blend back into a new culture, I hear the culture shock when you return is harder than when you come. But I'm trying to see it as a whole new "exchange year"...with the same attitude. If I did it the first time, I can do it again!
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